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Big Changes Afoot As Facebook Gets Microsoft-ized

Valleywag has a funny list of the ways Microsoft could change Facebook, now that it owns a portion of the company, like bringing poorly defined branding and overly complicated product names to the popular social network. Me, I’m thinking some other ways Microsoft could change Facebook:

  • New Facebook Group “Bill Gates is a H0TT1E!” all of a sudden gets 1 million members
  • Facebook gifts, Free Gifts and Naughty Gifts get DRM; now you can only “use” your virtual glass of beer three times in three days
  • Instead of error pages when applications fail to load, Facebook now displays cryptic page with technical information on a blue background
  • Facebook immediately announces some killer new features, then proceeds to not deliver them. For 12 years.
  • Some new Facebook features will only work in Internet Explorer, or on a giant freakin’ touchscreen table
  • Releases “Poke Server”, a server operating system businesses can install to manage their pokes from a central location. Pokes can be synced accross devices, accessed remotely, and are properly archived to comply with Sarbanes-Oxley.
  • Facebook split into two tiers, one of which is called Facebook Silver and can send Pokes, add friends and buy Gifts, and Facebook Gold, which can send Facebook messages, install applications and have online gaming. All Facebook users are assigned a “FacerScore”, based on how social they are, earning Facebook Achievements such as “First poke from a member of the opposite sex” and “Updated Relationship Status more than three times a week”.
  • Bill Gates announces he has installed the “Causes” application and will be shifting all of his charity work over to it.
  • Early betas of new Facebook features are given to those with MSDN subscriptions, but are leaked to Bit Torrent. All Facebook applications now require product keys.
  • Facebook attempts to beat down MySpace by adding useless attention-seeking features like “Channels” and “Active Desktop”, as well as bundling special Facebook friends with a new copy of Windows.
  • Hackers swarm on Facebook and try to overload it with viruses and spyware.
  • The European Commission immediately swoops in and demands Facebook give away all its source code and networking protocols to its competitors.

I actually do wish Microsoft and Facebook engineers would start coming up with cool ways to integrate Microsoft products with Facebook. The smart thing would be to tie in Facebook integration to MS products using public APIs, giving Microsoft some nice integration that any other company could also choose to use with their products. Microsoft pushes great integration, but doesn’t lock anyone else out. Could it happen?

October 25th, 2007 Posted by Nathan Weinberg | Humor | no comments



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